I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
