Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
