you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't deserve a penis
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
