just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
