i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize