She is in my trunk
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i drank out of a bidet.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
