My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i came on her dog
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
