If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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