How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We are all done wearing pants today
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
