sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize