Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
