i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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