I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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