There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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