I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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