Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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