I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize