For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
