he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
