PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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