I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
