it wasn't lemon gatorade
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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