i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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