Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
