goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
