bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We are all done wearing pants today
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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