Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
