i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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