this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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