we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
