I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
