My cat gives me a boner
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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