When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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