People with herpes should wear stickers.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
