You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
