I cockslap morals
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
