Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
