if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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