she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
