boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
