My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
