If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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