Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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