I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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