wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
