Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
