I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
