Umm I'm too high to move.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize