Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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