He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
