My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I intend to get homeless drunk
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
