I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
