Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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