Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She's like a pop up book from hell.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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