awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
