if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
