My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
