i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
