if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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