I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize