I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
