This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
