Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
