her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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