he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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