About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
