in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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