I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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