guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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