Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
