there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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