I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
