I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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