I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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