whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
