Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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