doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
