come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
