and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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