Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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