I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
