I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
