So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
