You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
