We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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