It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
