I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Don't make out with my wife yet
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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