he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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