I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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