There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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