Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
