dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
