i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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