that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
