I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this boner is exhausting
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize