Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
