The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
