I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
