If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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