Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
