Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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