when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
